Isabella

in sixteen years you will be at my doorway
no warning, i suppose there is something to be said for shock factor
my palms will sweat, my throat will cramp, pupils inflate
a silence will paint the reflection of me in you
a moment we both rehearsed and played in our heads
questions and meanings ive studied and you’ve chased
maybe why will be the first words i ever hear you speak
maybe you will curse me, damn me, and cry
i deserve it all, so cut my flesh to the bone
rage and hurt me until i cough my confessions
let me speak of how ive never forgotten
a ghost in corners that followed you from afar
that only touched you with the love of a surrogate angel
An angel that was more of a man and father than i ever was
it should have been me with my love over your shoulders
instead, i cheated my heart out of your story
your first steps, your first words, the first day of school,
softball, bike rides, cheerleading, dance, school plays,
I wasnt there to glare at your first boy friend on your first date
I didnt help you with homework or sand castles on the beach
never shared my opinions or parts of the world that make me smile
i wasnt there to hand you the best parts of me
i traded instead all my weakness and wrongs
I let procrastination and my fevered mind convict me
i let you pass me by and i chewed on guilt
A thousand sorrys wont erase these chapters
it has been too long, im too late
i deserve no mercy

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